At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
