shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
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