i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
