that's an acceptable place to lick
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
