Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
