you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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