If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
