I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
