Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I deserve this hangover.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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