i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
