The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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