We named our party play list daddy issues
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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