I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
