To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
