the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
