i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
