TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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