Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
