my phone needs a breathalizer
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You made out with two different species that night
NoShamevember. You game?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
