you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
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