Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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