finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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