In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
