I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
