It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Randomize
