I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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