I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
