im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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