Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
