I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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