This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
