The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
