Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
