i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
