and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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