so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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