I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
So many bounce houses so little time
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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