she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
OPIZZABONMYDICK
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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