a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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