that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
