I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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