You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
