tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you didnt know i had herpes?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
