So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
