i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
