So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I am naked and annoyed.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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