so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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