I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
