just tell him i said nine months
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
