She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You are a genius and a whore.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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