New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
