that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
how drunk are you?
Several
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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