well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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