I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
