I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
