I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize