all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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