why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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