dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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