Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
