Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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