if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
