I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
