i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
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