in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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