So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
