dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
babies were throwing up all over the place
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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