her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
